The Waffle House Chronicles...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Bachelor Party!

First off, thank you all for coming out! It was a most excellent time!

Sorry I wasn't more intoxicated. I'll blame my eating too much, somenasty shots and thick beers ruining my thirst and the lack of a game ofkings breaking out. I still did pretty well due to my 7 total bonus points for 3 random actions, 5 for being the bachelor and 1 undeserved lameness penalty.

Here we go with the results:
Champion: Dean-31 = Peyton Manning- Got things done all season long, a true super star who's marketable and has great stats and is a good guy.
2nd: Beav-28 = Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson- A little one dimensional but caught the ball (drank) like a champ, was really loud, and got things done on that side of the ball.
3rd(tie): Mark-27 = Santana Moss- Scored some huge highlight reel touchdowns but also disappeared a lot. Inconsistent but still quality.
3rd(tie): Barry-27 (that was an expensive salad) = Reggie Bush- One of two players to score multiple points in everything.
5th: Riz-20 = Trent Green- Provided veteran leadership but wasn't flashy or didn't provide many big plays.
6th: Mundy-19 = Vince Young- Pretty much was a bench player the first half of the season and was flashy the second half. Came out of nowhere to dominate late.
7th: Dakin-17 = Ahman Green- Gets you 4 yards a carry, every carry. Didn't break many touchdowns but the model of consistency.
8th Tad- 15 = Orlando Pace- Super steady but stayed out of the limelight. Went about his job and didn't mess around.
9th: Alvarez-14 = TO, as much as I wanted to call him Rex as he peakedearly, it's more like TO, he comes in, takes all the money, wins over the fans and then gets deactivated from the roster.
10th: Jerry-12 = Jeff Garcia- Drank a lot of beer steadily but was still a few beers away from being Donovan McNabb.
11th(tie): Hertz- 11 = Tony Gonzalez- Steady like a Tight End. Made some key catches and went hard all night.
11th(tie): Casey- 11 = Michael Strahan- Didn't get much opportunity but excelled at what he did. And he's a rock star!
11th(tie): Wolf- 11 = Fred Taylor- Since no one expected him to show up we'll give him some credit! Got some yards and helped the team win.
14th: Jason (Lil Russ)- 4 = 4 points? Did he get injured? We'll think that he did and call him Duante Culpepper. An off-night for sure but still a valuable player.
15th: Stephen- 3 = Robert Gallery- He made the roster. He's got potential. He didn't bring his game. His night was a typical first round bust.
16th: Zarun- 2 = Vinnie Testaverde Extenuating circumstances minimized his appearance...much like a third string QB. But he's a well-respected veteran.
Last: Dolan- -10 = Randy Moss- He thinks he's bigger than the game so he takes plays and even games off. He's far removed from the superstardom he once received.

Nasty Shot Award- Wolfgram and I for taking the Garlic Butter Rum shot
Ho Chunk Champ- Alvarez, no contest who outscored the rest of the team combined
Quaker Steak Champ- Barry, Hertz and Dakin came and conquered the Atomic Challege
Basement Bonanza Challenge- Narish and Barry dominated Guitar Hero and got max points.
Drinking Champ- The Beav outdrank the competition and didn't even spew.
Intangible Champ- My 5 bonus points beside, Dean scored me a sweet hat and some pimp glassage (along with Riz) and put a Dean sized gloryhole in our drywall.
Distance Award- John came from near the Twin Cities. He came the farthest. Jerry had the shortest trip.
The Russell Award of Russness- Kyle Mundy wins this prestigious award. His creation of weird shots and his overall belligerence clinched it. His getting a ride home from the Riz was icing on the cake. Mundy is a true star!

Special thanks to those who made this happen, especially Riz, Jerry and Dean. We came out ahead at Ho Chunk and nobody got arrested. Good food, great friends and an outstanding time was had by me and hopefullyby all. Let me know if you have any other input or thoughts. Thanks again!

-Guys seem to be getting more and more buffalo tenders and less buffalo wings. Although I like the occasionally order of tenders (any buffalo chicken is good chicken) I still much more prefer eating wings. They taste more juicy and aren’t often as breaded.
-Older people seem to drink more expensive boutique beer. I am not sure why that is since I prefer 9 Coors Lights to 6 Spotted Cows any day. Beer out of bottles is definitely much more popular than it was 10 years ago. That, I understand.
-Almost everyone thinks they are good at gambling. I was surprised though that someone who thinks they are good at everything admitted they aren’t good at gambling. That was ass-backwards for sure. It did take me a good 10-12 hands to feel the blackjack flow again. It’s frustrating to play the odds and do poorly when others can play super-stupid and score a handful of blackjacks and be up for the night. But of course it is nice to see friends win too!
-Put 4 guys in one car and odds are great that someone won’t like the music. Of course if you try to be cool and play like Poison or ACDC or something else that is “guy music” everyone will think you are cool even though deep down that music sucks.
-Put 4 guys in a car and you’ll never stop to piss. Of course as soon as said 4 guys in the car get out each of them will take an excruciatingly long piss. Man my bladder was hurting big time.


  • Did Jerry admit he was bad at gambling?!?!!? I'm amazed. I suck at gambling too

    By Anonymous kelson, at 12/20/2006 2:20 PM  

  • Great time! lets all get together and do this again real soon. Preferably after Christmas and your honeymoon.
    The Atomic wings are way over-rated too by the way, kind of like Big 10 sports.

    By Blogger Brent the Tank, at 12/21/2006 10:29 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home